Family & Parenting
I am told to honor my parents, but they hurt me badly. What is God actually asking of me here?
“When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.”
David wrote this psalm as a confident song about God's protection, then dropped in a line that only makes sense if he knew what abandonment felt like. He does not soften it and he does not excuse the parents. He states the possibility flatly and then says God takes up what they put down. Scripture names parental failure as a real thing rather than pretending that every family functions.
“Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.”
Peter wrote to scattered believers who were being treated badly by people with power over them, and his instruction was not to absorb it silently but to stop the exchange. Refusing to render evil for evil is a decision to end the pattern, which is a different thing from pretending it never happened. Honor, in this frame, is about what you become rather than what you owe someone who wronged you.
A path forward
Separate honor from access. You can speak of your parents without contempt, make sure they are not destitute, and still decide how often and in what setting you see them. The commandment sets a posture, not a schedule.
Write down what actually happened, for yourself, not for them. Vagueness keeps you stuck defending them inside your own head. Specifics let you name what you are grieving and, eventually, what you can and cannot offer.
Talk to a pastor or counselor who will not rush you toward reconciliation. Anyone who answers with they are still your parents before hearing the details is not going to be able to help you carry this.
Closing verse
“Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.”
- Isaiah 49:15
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