Grief & Loss
We buried our son this year. People keep telling me time helps and I want to scream at them. Is there anything in scripture that does not insult this?
“And he said, While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether GOD will be gracious to me, that the child may live? But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.”
David's infant son lived a week. For those seven days David lay on the ground and refused food, and when the child died his servants were too frightened to tell him. The story is recorded without a lesson attached and without anyone tidying the king up. Scripture keeps the detail of a father on the floor because it does not require grieving parents to explain themselves or to arrive anywhere in particular.
“And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her, and said unto her, Weep not.”
Luke describes a funeral procession leaving the town of Nain: a widow burying her only son, which in that world meant losing her child and her security in the same hour. Jesus is described as noticing her before anyone has spoken to him about it. His first move is toward the mother, not toward a speech about death. Luke wants his readers to know what he looks at first.
A path forward
Give yourself permission to walk away from anyone offering a tidy explanation. You owe nobody a gracious face, and 'I cannot talk about it today' is a complete sentence.
Say your son's name out loud to God in prayer, daily if you want to. Bereaved parents often stop hearing the name spoken at all, and the silence isolates the loss further.
Find one bereaved parents group, in person or online, and go once before deciding. Other people who have buried a child will not try to fix you.
Closing verse
“Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.”
- Isaiah 49:15
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