I was in the room when he died and I cannot get the last hour out of my head. It plays on a loop. How do I live with what I saw?

“I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears. Mine eye is consumed because of grief; it waxeth old because of all mine enemies.”

David writes this from the middle of exhaustion, and the details he gives are physical rather than spiritual: nights that will not end, eyes worn out, a body worn down by what the mind is carrying. Israel sang this as part of its worship. Their songs included language for the state you are in now, rather than requiring people to be past it before they could join in.

“Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil; And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.”

Hebrews argues that Jesus took on flesh and blood precisely so that through death he could free people who had spent their whole lives held down by the fear of it. The writer is addressing a community who had watched public executions. He does not pretend death is anything other than terrifying. He claims Jesus went in through the same door you watched someone go through.