Grief & Loss
Christmas is coming and it will be the first one without her. I am dreading it more than I dreaded the funeral. How do I get through that day?
“Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall. My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me.”
Lamentations was written after Jerusalem fell, and it is built as a set of formal poems for a community to recite together on the anniversary of a catastrophe. The poet refuses to let the memory of what happened be tidied away or spoken about vaguely. Israel scheduled its grief and gave it words in advance, which is the exact opposite of hoping a difficult day slips by unnoticed.
“Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.”
In Gethsemane, hours before his arrest, Jesus tells his three closest friends how far down the sorrow goes and asks them to stay awake with him. He does not want to be alone with the dread of what is coming next. Matthew records the request without embarrassment. Wanting company through a night you have been dreading is not a weakness of faith.
A path forward
Decide now what the day will look like instead of letting it happen to you: which traditions you keep, which you drop this year, and where you will be at the hardest hour.
Tell one person beforehand that you are dreading it and ask them to call at a specific time on the day. Do not wait to be noticed.
Build one act of remembrance into the day itself: her place set, her carol sung, a candle lit, a prayer said aloud with her name in it.
Closing verse
“When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.”
- Isaiah 43:2
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