My father died and our relationship was a mess. I am grieving him and still angry at him and I have no idea what to do with both at once.

“And the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!”

When David hears that Absalom is dead, the son who raised an army against him and tried to take his throne, he goes up to the chamber over the gate and weeps for him openly, wishing he had died instead. The narrator records no contradiction that needs resolving. David mourns a man who wronged him badly, and Scripture simply lets both of those facts stand next to each other.

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”

Paul writes to a mixed and quarrelling church and tells them to live peaceably with everyone, but he attaches two qualifiers first: if it is possible, and as far as it depends on you. Those qualifiers are the pastoral part. Paul knows some relationships never come right, and he refuses to make the whole outcome your responsibility. Where reconciliation was never possible, that is mercy, not a loophole.