Grief & Loss
My daughter cut off contact two years ago and she is still alive somewhere out there. How do you grieve someone who has not died?
“How shall I give thee up, Ephraim? how shall I deliver thee, Israel? how shall I make thee as Admah? how shall I set thee as Zeboim? mine heart is turned within me, my repentings are kindled together.”
Hosea prophesies to a nation that has walked away, and in the middle of the judgment God speaks in the voice of a parent who cannot bring himself to let go. The prophet puts the ache of estrangement into God's own mouth, which is a startling thing for an ancient text to do. Whatever else you are carrying here, you are not carrying something God finds unfamiliar.
“And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.”
In the parable, the father sees his son while the boy is still a long way off, which means he had been watching the road. Jesus tells the story to religious people who wanted something about consequences, and gives them a man at a window instead. The parable does not promise you a particular ending. It shows you what waiting without giving up looks like.
A path forward
Keep the door visibly open without pressure: one short warm message on a fixed schedule, birthdays and Christmas, carrying no requests and no history.
Pray for her by name daily, out loud, even when nothing changes. This is the long kind of prayer, and it keeps your love active rather than letting it curdle.
Get support for yourself, a counselor or a group for estranged parents. Ambiguous loss is a recognized and brutal category and you should not be carrying it alone.
Closing verse
“I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning.”
- Psalm 130:5-6
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