We lost the baby and every single person asks how my wife is. I am the one making the calls and nobody has asked me once. Where do I put this?

“Have mercy upon me, O LORD, for I am in trouble: mine eye is consumed with grief, yea, my soul and my belly.”

David writes here about sorrow doing damage to his body and not only to his mood: his eye consumed, his soul and his belly worn down by it. He is a soldier and a king writing this publicly, and the whole nation sang it back. There was no version of Israel's worship in which men were expected to keep this sort of thing quietly to themselves.

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

Paul asked God three times to take away something painful and was refused, and what he was given instead reframed weakness as the place where God actually works. This is a man with every professional reason to project competence deciding publicly not to. The Christian standard for a man in crisis is not that he holds it together in front of everybody.