Identity & Worth
I do not feel like the man I am supposed to be: not confident enough, not providing enough, not strong enough. What does God actually require of me?
“And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him, and said unto him, The LORD is with thee, thou mighty man of valour.”
Gideon is threshing wheat down in a winepress, hiding his harvest from raiders, which is about the least impressive introduction a man gets anywhere in this book. The greeting he receives names him as something he plainly is not yet. God addresses him by what he will become in God's company, rather than by the frightened figure crouching in the pit. The call comes before any evidence he can carry it.
“But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.”
Paul writes to a young leader who was, by his own mentor's account, timid and physically unwell. The list of things Timothy is told to pursue contains nothing about dominance, income or presence: righteousness, faith, love, patience, meekness. If your picture of manhood was assembled from your father, your workplace or the internet, this is a noticeably different specification, and it is one you can begin today.
A path forward
Write out the definition of manhood you keep failing to meet, then compare it line by line with Paul's list.
Pick the item on Paul's list you are weakest at and practise it deliberately for a month, with one other man knowing that you are.
Talk to a pastor or an older man about the specific pressure you are carrying. Men usually carry this alone, which is exactly why it stays so heavy.
Closing verse
“Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts.”
- Zechariah 4:6
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