When I lose my temper at home I watch my family go quiet and careful around me. That is not who I want to be. How do I change it?

“A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.”

Proverbs was collected as training material for young men heading into positions of responsibility in Israel's court, where a ruler's temper had consequences for everyone under it. The contrast is not between feeling and not feeling. It is between a man who empties everything he feels onto whoever is nearest and one who holds it until he can handle it well. Households run on the same principle as courts.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”

Paul was writing to churches tearing lumps out of each other over rules, and his answer was not a better rulebook. He calls self control fruit, something grown by the Spirit across a season rather than manufactured by gritting your teeth. That matters if you have already tried willpower and watched it fail by Tuesday. Growth in temper is slow, real, and not something you are expected to produce alone.