I raise my voice when I am frustrated and people flinch. My partner says the shouting is worse than whatever I am shouting about. Is yelling really that serious?

“He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.”

This proverb comes from a collection copied out by Hezekiah's officials, men who knew exactly what a breached wall meant. A city without walls in the ancient Near East was not untidy, it was defenceless, open to anyone who fancied walking in. That is the picture attached to a person with no rule over his own spirit. The damage is not only to the people outside, it is to the one standing in the ruins.

“Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.”

James was writing to congregations who sang and prayed together on the Sabbath and then tore each other apart the rest of the week. He points at the physical absurdity of it: the same mouth blessing God and cursing people made in his image. He does not soften the observation. If your voice is the thing your household braces for, this passage takes it seriously rather than filing it under personality.