Forgiveness
The person who hurt me has never apologised and does not believe they did anything wrong. How do I forgive someone who is not sorry?
“The LORD judge between me and thee, and the LORD avenge me of thee: but mine hand shall not be upon thee.”
David is hiding in a cave from a king who is hunting him without cause, and suddenly he has Saul at his mercy. Instead of taking the obvious revenge he says that the LORD will judge between them, and walks away. This is not a denial that Saul is guilty. It is a decision about who holds the verdict, made by a man with the knife already in his hand.
“Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.”
Luke alone records this line, spoken while the soldiers were still driving in the nails and dividing up his clothes. Nobody had asked for pardon and the offence was still in progress. Jesus forgives into silence. Whatever else that means, it means forgiveness does not require the other person's cooperation, and it can begin long before anything has been put right.
A path forward
Pray one line whenever you catch yourself building the case in your head: God, you saw it, and you can hold the verdict.
Stop treating the apology as a condition. Write the sentence 'I may never get this' on paper and sit with it for five minutes.
Tell one person you trust the true version of what happened, so the record exists somewhere outside your own head.
Closing verse
“Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:”
- 1 Peter 2:23
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