Forgiveness
If I forgive them, does that mean I have to let them back into my life and carry on as though nothing happened?
“And I sent messengers unto them, saying, I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down: why should the work cease, whilst I leave it, and come down to you?”
Nehemiah is rebuilding Jerusalem's wall while men who want him dead keep inviting him to a friendly meeting out on the plain of Ono. Four times he sends back the same reply: he is doing a great work and cannot come down. He does not rage at them and he does not accuse them. He simply declines the meeting. Refusing someone access is not the same as harbouring hatred.
“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”
Paul writes to believers in the imperial capital, where following Jesus could cost a person their household and their safety. His instruction about living peaceably carries two deliberate qualifiers: if it is possible, and as much as it depends on you. Both admit that peace is a two-person achievement, and that your side of it has a limit which is not a failure of faith.
A path forward
Separate the two decisions on paper: what you are releasing them from, and what access they get to you. Write out both columns.
If this person is unsafe, treat your safety as settled before anything else is discussed. Forgiveness never requires you to be harmed again, and reconciliation is a different question with different conditions.
Talk it through with a pastor or counsellor who knows the details, rather than deciding under pressure from people who only know the headline.
Closing verse
“A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself; but the simple pass on, and are punished.”
- Proverbs 27:12
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