Relationships
My marriage feels dead. We're more like roommates than partners. What do I do?
“Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.”
The Song of Solomon is the Bible's most direct celebration of romantic love, which means God takes it seriously. The book's presence in Scripture says that the longing for deep connection in marriage is not trivial; it is woven into how we are made. The imagery of an unquenchable flame suggests that love can be rekindled even when it has burned low.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”
Paul's standard for marriage is deliberately unreasonable: love the way Christ loves. This is not a guilt trip but an invitation into something that transcends mutual tolerance. The passage puts the responsibility on both partners to move toward the other rather than waiting to feel the connection first. Love, in this framing, is primarily an action before it is a feeling.
A path forward
Ask your spouse one genuine question this week that you do not already know the answer to, not about logistics, but about what they are thinking, hoping, or struggling with right now.
Identify one thing your spouse has asked for repeatedly that you have not prioritized, and do it this week without being asked.
Book a single session with a marriage counselor, not because your marriage is broken beyond repair, but because an outside perspective can reveal patterns neither of you can see from inside.
Closing verse
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.”
- Ecclesiastes 4:9
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