Relationships
My close friend and I had a big fight and haven't spoken in months. Who should reach out first?
“The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.”
Proverbs consistently treats relational conflict as something with momentum: once it begins, it tends to accelerate. The wisdom is not in who is right but in who is willing to stop the dam from breaking. Waiting for the other person to reach out first often just means more of the same silence.
“Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”
Jesus makes reconciliation more urgent than religious ritual. The striking thing is that he says 'if someone has something against you,' not 'if you have something against them.' He is putting the responsibility on the listener regardless of who was primarily at fault. The initiative belongs to whoever is willing to take it.
A path forward
Reach out first, not because you were wrong, but because the relationship matters more than being right. A simple 'I miss you and I'd like to talk' is enough to open the door.
When you do reconnect, spend the first ten minutes listening without defending. Ask them to tell you how they experienced the conflict, and genuinely try to understand before you explain yourself.
Consider whether an apology is owed on your side, even if it is partial. A specific apology ('I was too harsh when I said X') lands very differently than a generic 'I'm sorry if you were hurt.'
Closing verse
“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”
- Romans 12:18
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